This weekend, my expectations died. I brought home, from a comic convention, a Ponyo DVD, expecting it to be awesome, but all I got was a bigger flop than my floppy disk. And that's really damn floppy.
To begin with, I had to deal with more weaboos in that convention that I want to deal with for the rest of my fucking life, and, guess what? There was a fucking "Cosplay anime song karaoke constest", so yes, I had to listen to fat chicks dressed up like Sailor Moon singing songs from Naruto, Pokemon, Dragon Ball, and that's the full extent of my knowledge about anime.
After the convention, I thought hell was over, but it had only just began, since I made the heaven forbidden mistake of buying a Ponyo DVD, thinking it'd be great. I took the DVD home and mumbling "I wanna be the very best" from Pokemon, or at least, I think it's like that, I put the DVD in my PS2. What happened? Nothing, the damn bitch wouldn't play, so I had to play it on my computer.

The movie started power tripping within the very first minutes, and I mean, someone got high while writing that shit. And I mean, you know when you go on Omegle at 3AM and start making stories up with your conversianational partner, well, it was that turned into a movie. A big pedophile, shooting colorful rays at sea monster thingies, a bunch of penises with heads, fucking weird, although that was only the begining of it's suckiness. Then, in a complete switch, the movie turned into a 10 year old kid's scrapbook, seriously? I s that the "amazing animation" everyone was talking about? That's a JOKE.

Aparently someone with half a half brain realized it was a bad idea, and switched back to normal. I only wish they would've had two guys like that in the studio, one to do that, and the other one to point out the other mistakes in the movie: EVERYTHING. The movie went back to normal, and I'm greeted by the biggest japanese kid stereotype I've EVER seen. They even ripped off the name from what's probably the worst anime ever: Sasuke.
Well, this kid, this, "Sousuke", goes down a cliff for no aparent reason and finds one of the swimming, girl-headed pieces of male genitalia inside a bottle, so he takes it out and it licks a wound, which magically dissapears, and we are left without an explanation until the ending of the stupid move, when we realize it would've been better noot to know, because it turns out that the fish's mother was a giant colorful woman, who aparently had sexual intercourse with a normal sizedman. Don't ask me, don't ask the studios either.

So yes, shit happens and the penis fish falls in love with the five year old kid, typical from Japan, pedophilia and zoophilia, how come I'm not surprised of seeing this in an anime? Anyways, the fish turns into a girl and goes to live with Sousuke, who lets a complete stranger go in his house and eat everything, just because she has the same name as his fish, so if I go to everybody's house in my neighborhood saying "Hi, my name is Goldie" I'll get a free meal? Right on.

Oh, did I mention there's a scene when she turns into a human and shouts "I have teeth!", although there's a moment where the five year old zoophile gives him a piece of ham, and for THREE CLEAR-AS-WATER frames, you can see she already had teeth? Well it happens. What a piece of shit

In summary, only watch Ponyo if you really really want to suffer of brain death, and get your grave pissed on.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA